The bucolically charmed but economically harmed counties and townships of upstate New York – not to mention their counterparts in Plutonian orbit around other major metropoles – compete furiously to have prisons built in their neighborhoods. Local contractors, who regularly succumb to generous impulses towards local politicians around election time, reap rich benefits, as do the local peasantry whom the collapse of agriculture has left otherwise unemployable.
There are similarities between the prison and tourist industries. Looking at the all-in resorts around the Caribbean – taking people from their native homes to incarcerate them in a strange environment while creating lots of jobs for the locals – it does seem like a similar business to upstate incarceration.
Indeed there are more similarities.
Faced with the overcrowding resulting from vindictive punitive policies and crackdowns on crack, New York could not build country chokys quickly enough to meet the burgeoning demand. So it bought some barges, once used as temporary barracks for British troops in the Falklands, and used them as lock-ups in an unconscious bow to Victorian values. They were moored on the East River until the city fathers realized this was not the best advert for the hordes of tourists taking the Circle Line cruise around Manhattan.
They are now moored near the Bronx, where tourists don’t usually venture. But the image of prison hulks holding prisoners waiting for transportation to the colonies evokes thoughts of Caribbean cruise ships. There is no accounting for taste. For some, a cruise is the closest they’ll get to heaven before shuffling their walking frames off this mortal coil. Personally, I’ve never seen the attraction of being packed in a high-rise floating rabbit hutch with a huge potential for rising damp. And certainly not with tourists who, en masse, make English soccer fans look attractive.
Didn’t these people see Titanic? While icebergs may be in short supply in the Caribbean, and may get scarce even in the North Atlantic with climate change, the same process has increased hurricanes and typhoons sweeping out from the Caribbean across the southern states. As you rush to the lifeboats in a force-ten gale, it will be small consolation that the southern, hurricane-affected states voted solidly for George W, thereby rejecting the Kyoto protocols.
The cruise industry poses two obvious questions: Why do tourists put up with it? And why do locals put up with it? The cruise lines are so far offshore fiscally that they are practically in tax-free orbit. The ships fly flags of convenience; the offshore companies pay no taxes; and their crews are covered by no labor laws or unions. Their port dues don’t even cover the cost of terminals built with scarce local taxes, and any attempt to raise fees will simply drive traffic elsewhere.
The Caribbean islands were once Europe’s precursor to the Gulf’s oil fields. Wealth from slaves, sugar and rum fueled the growth of the American colonies and European industries. Sadly now, with European and US protectionism, the Caribbean sugar industry is fading and the WTO ruling may knock the bottom out of their banana boats. The islands’ only assets would then be sparkling, blue, warm water; smooth beaches; brilliant music; good-looking people; and good rum. Yet while cruise ship builders can find equity investors for their eminently sinkable assets, the Caribbean Hotels Association complains about how difficult it is to attract investors in quality tourism. Even the local pension funds would rather buy bonds.
In this age of globalization, the answer is clear: bring back transportation. Penitentiaries on the islands without good beaches would be cheaper for taxpayers back home, more popular with inmates, and they would give visitors a rehabilitative break from the stresses of inner-city life. Some prisoners may complain but cheap and easy access to local specialty herbs would soon calm them down and make the job of wardering easy for the economically salaried locals. Charter flights or even off-season cruise liners would not be much more expensive than the current shuttles between the cities and the boondocks. And maybe Corrections Corp and other equity-funded prison builders would then see the potential for building the tourist industry on the other, more attractive islands. Where Cell Med has set foot, can Club Med be far behind?
The Speculator
