It has been alleged that Ambrose Bierce, the author of The Devil’s Dictionary, defined war as ‘God’s way of teaching Americans geography.’ He didn’t, but the man who defined Wall Street as ‘a symbol of sin for every devil to rebuke’ would probably have been happy with the attribution.
It seems many of our compatriots would not make the dean’s list if they took geography. In the second week of the war in Iraq, Congress voted $75 bn for it – and provoked demonstrations in Ljubljana. To save you checking in your gazetteer, Ljubljana is the capital of Slovenia, which the war appropriations bill rewarded with a few millions for signing on for the ‘coalition of the willing’.
Alas, or atlas perhaps, it was actually Slovakia that had joined the coalition and the Slovenian prime minister had to explain to the demonstrators that it was all a mistake, and that he had no intention of signing up for it and the State Department had apologized. ‘We’re in the coalition for peace,’ he said. One can only hope he remembers to sign over the check to his Slovakian colleague when it arrives.
Of course, our troops were immensely cheered by the support of other major powers in the coalition, such as Palau with a population of less than 20,000 and a land area a bit over twice that of Washington, DC.
But of course nothing cheers the armchair commandos so much as vilifying France for its temerity in doing what its population wanted rather than what the US president ordered. French fries have become freedom fries, people are boycotting French wine and eating American cheddar instead of Camembert.
One ghoulish congressman even suggested repatriating American war dead from cemeteries in Belgium and France, while in the Midwest there was a move to ban French’s mustard (invented by New Yorker George French in 1904 to coincide with the launch of the hot dog at the St Louis world’s fair).
The Germans, enemies in two world wars, are not subject to the same degree of vilification. This could be because there are lot more German descendants in the US than French. But it could also be a sort of residual sanity in the folk memory: many people in Europe and America are actually rather thankful that Germany has a chancellor who does not want to pour Wehrmacht divisions across other people’s border at the drop of steel helmet, preferring diplomacy instead.
The Vatican, which admittedly has only the Swiss Guards to threaten us with, was also staunchly anti-war – and is even against executions – but the Pope has been spared the vitriol hurled at France. Perhaps because at least Italy itself has come into line. But one cannot help thinking that 100 mn plus Catholic voters and readers may have preyed on the minds of would-be Pope critics.
The obsession with the French is intriguing. It would be tempting to think that it comes from Americans’ intense study of Shakespearean plays coupled with deep memories of Agincourt. Probably not. Intriguingly, the last two times the British and French were at war with each other, the US was fighting Britain. No-one seems to remember now that the reason the White House is white is because it needed painting when the British burnt it in 1813.
On the other hand, the British are quite forgiving, prepared to overlook the critical role played by Marshal Lafayette, the French army and the French fleet in winning independence for the rebellious colonies. But the present American attitude to France does smack of more than a little ingratitude. I was almost surprised that nobody suggested wrapping up the Statue of Liberty, a gift from the people of France, and sending it back to Paris on top of an ICBM.
I must also confess to some disappointment that along with people swearing off French toast there was no mass movement to take leave from French kissing, or to abjure French letters forever. Maybe the thought of freedom kissing was a little too libertinist for the prudes.
But the French had it easy really. Nasdaq and the NYSE refused to allow Al Jazeera TV to broadcast the daily market update. To cover their curmudgeonly censorship of the only independent Arab TV station, which was, for example, the first to interview Israeli ministers online, the exchanges claimed it did not represent a significant constituency. In fact, there are some $1.2 tn in Arab funds held in the US, but if the exchanges say that’s insignificant, then perhaps the markets are really doing much more than the Dow would suggest.
Or maybe the exchanges are worried that Al Jazeera coverage would give its millions of Arab viewers a negative impression of western capitalism and thus thwart attempts to spread democracy and free markets throughout the region? Or maybe it is all just a nasty bout of acute xenophobia, from which we hope the patients soon recover.
The Speculator
