As an American abroad, I’m tired of feeling I have to apologize for my country every time I open my mouth. ‘Yes, I’m American, but no, I don’t support Bush,’ is becoming my stock phrase.
It seems every non-American man and his non-American dog has something to say about the US. And none of it is positive. This might come as a huge shock to those Americans yet to apply for their passports (those little blue books that let you go from country to country). But Americans venturing outside US borders – and yes, there is life out there – should be prepared for the social leprosy that comes with being an American in the 21st century.
Here are some criticisms I’ve recently heard bandied about against Americans – and the lessons to be learnt from them.
1. Americans are stupid
Just because Americans generally don’t speak many languages doesn’t make them stupid. But it wouldn’t hurt if Americans learnt a few phrases before traveling to a new place. And here’s a tip: talking louder doesn’t make a person who doesn’t understand English understand it any better.
2. Americans are utterly paranoid
After 9/11 the number of American tourists dropped to the lowest levels in post-war history. Quick geography lesson: England and France are nowhere near Afghanistan. Given that it was the US that was attacked, Americans should have been heading to the rest of the world in droves. Chalk that one up to a lack of geographical awareness (see point 1 – Americans are stupid).
3. America imposes its political policies on everyone else
America – a nation that led the world by becoming a secular state – seems full of Holy Rollers wanting to tell the rest of the world what’s right and wrong. Mind you, no other country seems to have any idea how to handle the Palestine issue and they‘ve all left it to the US to make a mess of things. But at least they know it matters.
4. American foreign policy is oil-based
It’s a bit embarrassing trying to counter this one when the US vice president is the ex-CEO of the firm that got the first contract out of Iraq, and there’s an Exxon oil tanker named after Condoleezza Rice. But Europe isn’t pristine on this matter, either. France, Germany and Russia – the three that stood against the US on the UN Security Council – had the most to lose economically from ‘regime change’ in Iraq. The cheapness of American oil does, however, seem highly suspicious to the rest of the world.
5. Americans are corrupt hypocrites
The rest of the world used to believe corporate America had mid-western, Trumanesque, plain ol’ good fortune. They thought the rich and powerful lived model lives in quiet suburbs. Now, half the right wing is in rehab or on the board of a major corporation, and CEOs are being handcuffed and led off to prison. American executives have been exposed as corrupt – at least as corrupt as executives elsewhere. A point to remember, Europe – people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
6. Americans are arrogant
Well, Americans do think they rule the world. And I guess they do. But what’s there to be arrogant about? No-one thinks they’re doing a very good job of it. Perhaps leaders should travel a bit before they are elected to rule? Also – get this – many non-Americans travel because they want to experience how life is different in other places. Americans seem to travel despite the fact that it won’t be the same as home. As they say in France, vive la différence.
