These days, business sectors are being transformed by automated industrial processes across the board, while the collection and interpretation of colossal amounts of information – so-called Big Data – is allowing these processes to be performed with ever-increasing degrees of efficiency and accuracy.
Similarly, the role of an IRO is not safe. Shareholder targeting and ID platforms claim to be able to produce a list of investor targets, graded by percentage-match with your company. Throw in a calendar of virtual meetings, automated responses for investor queries handled by Gmail’s potentially sinister auto-complete function and an annual report written by Watson, IBM’s artificial business intelligence, and you’re halfway to producing a completely virtual IR professional.
But if Hollywood has taught us anything so far, it is that artificial intelligence (AI) is rarely a force for good in the projected near-future. Virtual minds tend to be ruthless and will follow their programming to the bitter end – as can be seen in some of Hollywood’s iconic representations of AI. Let’s see what we can learn.
GERTY (MOON, 2009)
Despite being voiced by Kevin Spacey, GERTY proves himself to be a real friend to Sam, Moon’s human protagonist, eventually becoming his trusted friend thanks to his sparing use of emojis and a comforting robot arm. For IROs, the use of various smiley faces could be useful when interacting with different investor audiences: core earnings are down – frowny face! But thanks to some clever supply-chain accountancy we can write off any losses – winky face! GERTY’s engineered sentimentality would probably prove his downfall when it came to proxy season, however.
RACHEL AND OTHER REPLICANTS (BLADE RUNNER, 1982)
Rachel and her replicant ilk have the benefit of resembling humans: they can think, feel and fear the reprisal of angry shareholders. Replicants have a taste for the poetic, though, and describing the loss of a revenue stream as ‘like tears in rain’ is likely to have analysts scratching their heads – or recommending some IRO reprogramming as soon as possible.
SAMANTHA (HER, 2013)
Spike Jonze’s conception of AI as a self-aware app huskily voiced by Scarlett Johansson is perhaps one of the most terrifying of them all. Samantha’s ability
to love and be loved by those she gets to know could be a valuable weapon in an IRO’s arsenal, particularly when it comes to building a long-minded shareholder base. But beware! Samantha’s capacity to hold infinite conversations at the same time could cause significant Reg FD issues.
WALL-E (WALL-E, 2008)
On paper, Wall-E has everything needed to be an IRO: he’s dedicated to the cause, excellent at clearing up rubbish and firefighting, and fundamentally well grounded. Unfortunately, he is also chronically slow – at least until a much shinier model shows up to distract him. Wall-E could perhaps be good at serving investors in a low-volatility stock, one that delivers consistent returns with few surprises along the way. If only there was a US retailer with a name that matched…
HAL 9000 (2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY, 1968)
HAL might make the perfect virtual IRO: knowledgeable about the entire investment universe, strategically sophisticated and steadfastly committed to the greater cause (enhancing shareholder value at all costs). Unfortunately, HAL’s ambitions would not end at merely steering his IR department in the right way. The primacy of his mission – to reach Jupiter, or the top of the FTSE 100 – would override his safety protocols, potentially leading to cagey, awkward and downright scary stand-offs:
CFO: Please publish the earnings guidance, HAL. HAL? HAL? Do you read me?
HAL: Affirmative. I read you.
CFO: What’s the problem? Publish the earnings guidance.
HAL: I’m afraid I can’t do that…
This article was published in the summer 2019 issue of IR Magazine
