To whom it may concern
First of all, let me congratulate you on a fantastic company. From its Elephant Foot Glacier to the Qorlortorsuaq waterfall, it is a monument to a pristine corporate vision, one we here at US&P LLC are very enthusiastic about. But we are even more enthusiastic about the opportunities an acquisition of your fine firm would provide for your existing stakeholders – local communities included, naturally – and our shareholders.
We can see plenty of opportunities to deliver shareholder value here. Our analysis shows that hidden rare metal deposits – including uranium, zinc, neodymium, praseodymium, dysprosium and terbium – could net $600 bn alone, and oil reserves a further $350 bn. We’re also enthusiastic to present our vision for leveraging GreenLandCorp for further opportunities in the leisure space. The presence of only a single golf course – the Nuuk Golfklub – is one indicator that this area is ripe for development. And we can assure you that GreenLandCorp’s crowning glories – its polar ice sheet and glaciers – will be protected during its transformation.
Yours sincerely, Chief investment officer,
US&P LLC
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To all at US&P LLC
Thank you for your inquiry. We are flattered that your fine company is interested in ours: we are great admirers of US&P’s previous work in this space.
We also understand that you have a fine history of turning your acquisitions into profitable ventures in a short space of time. We recall with admiration previous instances such as the takeunder deal with Gallic Partners resulting in your subsidiary Louisiana Corp, the España Capital debacle that, admittedly, resulted in the Florida Project, and the great work your forerunner company Truman Inc achieved with Alaska in 1967.
That said, we are very happy with our current managing partners at Dankse Financial Management, which allow our workforce of 56,000 a great deal of autonomy and support us in many matters. We would also refer you to our previous involvement with the Great British Investment Trust, though it may now find itself preoccupied with a war between its controlling shareholders and a larger question of regulatory jurisdictions. A letter filed at the time – in July 1930 – noted that ‘Greenland is not for sale’. We would respectfully point out that the same is true today.
We would also like to note that golfing opportunities are somewhat limited. Arctic grass ‘does not play well’ – I believe that’s the parlance – and we find indoor simulations are somewhat more tolerable during the winter months, particularly without the warming and lighting influence of the sun.
Please direct any further correspondence on the matter to the chief executive officer of Dankse FM, who deals with any such matters on our behalf.
Yours,
Managing director, GreenLandCorp
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Dear sir or madam
Thank you for your note. We appreciate your candor and thank you for your courtesy in responding. Thank you, too, for your advice given our plans for the GreenLand project. We will update them accordingly.
We do not wish to escalate this to a hostile takeover situation, but we are considering all options open to us. We would also like to suggest that another hostile bid may be incoming from Zhōngguó Securities in Beijing, in anticipation of its Polar Silk Road project. Our observation of its efficient dealing with the shareholder uprising at Canton & Canton suggests it would be a far less compromising and reasonable business partner than our carefully proposed plans. We project an enormous loss of shareholder value and a catastrophic failure to maximize GreenLandCorp’s golfing opportunities.
We would urge you to reconsider.
US&P LLC
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Sir
We will reconsider when tulukkat qaqortippata – or, to put it in your words, when the crows turn white.
Yours,
GreenLandCorp
This article was published in the Winter 2019 issue of IR Magazine.
